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13 augustus/August 2003: INTERVIEW ( FROM VH1.COM )

Toni Braxton: Best of Times, Worst of Times

At the end of 2002 Toni Braxton should have been at the top of the world. She had a new album in the can and a baby on the way. But the next six months delivered more than she bargained for, and VH1's cameras were there to document every turn. The famed R&B singer spoke to Inside(Out) as relationships with her record label Arista began to fray, then again as, with a new baby and a new life, she returned to action in Aida's starring role on Broadway.

BEFORE THE BABY

VH1: How did you learn you were pregnant?

Toni Braxton: I found out while recording More Than a Woman. I was six and a half months [into the album], so it wasn't quite there yet. The doctor said I was pregnant and I couldn't believe it. Instantly I thought, "Oh god, my album's coming out! What am I gonna do?" Then I thought, "Oh, the label will understand. We'll work it out." My manager was like, "I don't think they're gonna be as happy about it as you are." Once I told them you could hear it in their voices. They were thinking about the record, like, damn, all this money . what are we gonna do?

VH1: Were you happy?

TB: It was a great moment, but sad, because my husband Keri's nephew Gabe died from leukemia a week after I found I was pregnant. The whole family was like, "Oh, we miss Gabe ... Oh, she's pregnant!" I let everybody else's negative energy feed on me a little. For a second, I was like, "I'm pregnant! Shoot! Maybe it wasn't the right time ." I'm mad at myself about that, because I don't think any woman should question a pregnancy in that way.

VH1: What does it feel like having a baby growing inside of you?

TB: It's the most incredible feeling. I was a little frightened and nervous, but it was so incredible knowing I could give life. I couldn't wait to see them and they were gonna look.

VH1: How has being pregnant affected the business of being a pop star?

TB: I had, let's say, a little spotting throughout the pregnancy and my doctor didn't want to aggravate it. Dr. Jackie was saying, "I know you have to promote this album but he's contracting really bad. We don't want you to start dilating and give you medication." So I'm torn, because I wanna promote the album but I really can't. The resentfulness is starting to show. I feel a little resentful today, so work with me!

VH1: Resentful towards?

TB: The whole record business thing. They're like, "Can you fly out to California to do this show?" Dr. Jackie told me I can't fly because it could aggravate the current situation. So I'm just a little resentful with the whole business 'cause they're telling me you need to do this. It's a really good album, but unfortunately the way it's going I will not be able to promote it the way that they are suggesting. So, what can I do?

VH1: Are you worried about this stress and anxiety affecting your baby?

TB: Definitely. But I've always tried to be positive. My mom is old-fashioned. She says, "Be careful what you do and think when you're pregnant, because you don't want that energy to come to your baby." So some days I'm so angry and upset but I still say "You know what? I'm not gonna think about it this way."

VH1: There's a lot going on.

TB: A lot going on. There are problems with the single already. I don't want to put out the first single, "Hit the Freeway." I've always been able to do sprinkles of hip-hop here and there in all my albums, but I'm not sure how my fans are gonna feel about coming out first with something that's so hip-hop. Now we're having a lot of creative differences and business differences, so I don't know where we are going to end up.

VH1: Can a woman get older and still have a career?

TB: I think when you get older the music business starts thinking, "Oh, maybe she doesn't have it anymore." But I look at Cher and Tina Turner and think, "Gosh, I'm only my 30s!" I'm pregnant so it really hurts my feelings some days. [Laughs.] I don't know what else you can do. I mean when is it over? I'm still figuring it out.

VH1: But you're not gonna let anyone tell you when it's over?

TB: They're never gonna tell me when it's over. I'll probably be 80 years old and still performing. Music is like fashion, it changes. But some things will always be the same.

AFTER THE BIRTH

VH1: How have you changed over the time that you've been being filmed?

TB: I've learned a lot of things. I was so angry that I wasn't allowing myself to be happy. The second I let it go, I felt liberated. It was a blessing. I was mad at my record company because they've done this or they haven't done that. I made the choice to concentrate on all the great things that we've done together. I'm happy and I hadn't felt that way in a very long time. To do what you love can sometimes be stressful. When I watched American Idol, I always thought Simon was the most realistic character. The other judges will be like, "Oh this wasn't your best night." Simon's like, "It was absolutely horrid." That's what they tell in the music industry - you were horrible on the AMAs or the Grammys; we don't like your hair; you're starting to look clumpy. You lose the arrogance you need to be successful, and you need that arrogance because if you don't, the second someone sees that side of you and chip at it, it's over.

VH1: How do you feel about leaving Arista?

TB: I suggested they let me go. We were on our phone call one day, and I said, "Guys, why don't you just let me go?" That's how it started. From there my manager and attorney got involved and started making it happened. I got a phone call telling me that I was gonna get a letter. Once I and all the other people signed off on that letter, it was pretty much done. That day was sad. It's been ten years of success, you know? They're the only family I've known, career-wise. I became nervous and scared. I almost fell victim to what they thought. I thought, "Well, maybe it is over for me. I've had a great run, a great career. Am I being greedy, by wanting more of it?"

VH1: Now how are you feeling about it?

TB: Much better. It's like a divorce. You're glad to be gone, but then you wonder if you can make it out there by yourself, because that's all I've known. Will the new label understand me? Will people think I've been dropped? Oh god, you don't want people to think that. No one will want to touch you if they think you got dropped.

VH1: Are you with a new label now?

TB: Yeah. I am currently recording right now for Blackground. I have to do it on Sunday nights because I do six shows a week everyday, except Monday. Sometimes my voice gets tired, but I love it. Sometimes you have creative differences but it's respectful. They're honest. You don't want a whole bunch of "yes" people around you.

VH1: What's different now in terms of your experience recording this album from the last album?

TB: This time I'm not pregnant! [Laughs.] I'm going to be more who I am, what I know for works for me, and those wonderful sad love songs work for me. You can never go back to the first two albums in my career, when I was a ten million-plus [selling] artist. You could never get it that way so you have to try to incorporate it, make it new without making it sound changed. My point is, I haven't figured it out yet! [Laughs.]

VH1: Was it hard to have the last album not do as well as the others?

TB: Very hard. However, if I really think about it, it didn't do bad because it's right under 500,000. It's like 407,000 and it's only one single that I didn't promote. If I had promoted it, what would it have done?

VH1: What was it like being pregnant at the time?

TB: Pregnancy feels like you have eaten Thanksgiving dinner over and over and over again. Contractions are like every muscle in your lower abdomen is squeezing and getting tighter. You have no control over it. There's not a Tums in the world that would make that indigestion and heartburn go away. When my doctor pulled Diezel out and saw my uterus, she was, like, `You can't get pregnant no time soon, Toni. Your uterus is way too thin. You wouldn't be able to carry it.' I had no idea. I think the stress was making those contractions worse. I felt like I had to make a decision about my future. But once Diezel was born, I didn't care about any of that.

VH1: Can you talk about how motherhood has changed your priorities?

TB: When I watched the Lifetime channel and you saw a mother trying to kill the person who harms her child, I'd think, "Oh, she should leave that in the hands of the law. But when you become a mom . I can't explain it. If anyone did any harm to my children, I don't know what I would do. I definitely won't let anyone take anything from my children. If they try, they would never get it without a fight."

VH1: Does that give the most meaning to your life?

TB: My children give my life most meaning. Grammys, American Music Awards, successful albums, I'd pick my kids any day over any of it. When my kids get older I want them to say, "My mom's a great singer," but I really want them to say, "My mom was a great mom." That's most important to me. I'd lose my mind if I heard my kid call the nanny "Mommy." I make sure my kids never called the nanny "Mommy" 'cause Mommy and Daddy are there.

VH1: Can you talk about the challenge of getting ready to take on this Aida role.

TB: For me, the challenge of this role is physical because I just had the baby. My muscles are really mushy right now, and when you sing, you use them a lot. I'm still a little hoarse. A lot of is hormonal; it takes a second for everything to get back into order. But performing live is the greatest high in the world. That's why I do what I do.

VH1: With all the pressure and stress and anxiety, what is it like when you step out onto the stage?

TB: When I first go out on stage, there are tummy bubbles everywhere. It's different with Broadway because I have to memorize everything. You get one time to do it right. It's not like a show where if I forget the lyrics one night, I can say, "You sing." They can't do that.

VH1: Is it fun at all?

TB: A lot of fun. Beauty and the Beast was challenging because I was going through the bankruptcy thing. On my off days I had to fly to L.A. to do depositions. Everything in my life was falling apart. Now I'm happily married, have two beautiful kids, a new record company and I'm working on a new album. There's been more crying than laughing over the last five years. This is one of the first times that I've been able to laugh and cry for happiness because things are going so great in my life right now.

(((Bron/Source: VH1.com)))